Sunday, February 13, 2011

Open Adoption...What I have learned so far, Part I

Open adoption is not that scary! I admit, a few years ago the idea of an open adoption really freaked me out. I wasn't sure that it was something I could handle, for many reasons. But, fast forward several years and now openness feels perfectly right. Normal in a sense, even though it is still a very new concept for us. As you know,a couple months ago, we opened our hearts to pea's birth family and now have a connection and a commitment to them. Of course, having an open international adoption is very difficult due to the boundaries of culture, language, distance, etc. But, it is possible it it's own unique way. It is just a matter understanding that openness looks different in every situation. Not to mention that technology and some pretty amazing people makes it possible for us to have this connection. It is incredible. Most international adoptees have very little to no information regarding their birth family so it feels especially miraculous to know we have found pea's birth family and plan to have regular contact with them, which includes meeting them the next time we travel to Guatemala (hopefully in 2 years). At this point, we plan to have contact with every 3-4 months thanks  to Victor!

A couple weeks ago, we received even more pictures of pea's birth family and we now have a picture of one of his aunts! Pea was actually very excited to look at all of the pictures we have received, especially pictures of his brother. His face lit up and he said

"this is so cool, mom! he looks like me!"

That alone makes it all worth it. Pea is now very proud that he has a little brother AND a big brother. What a gift!

As I wrote earlier, we had always intended to search for pea's birth family, though we had planned to wait a little longer. But, it happened when we least expected and the timing was perfect. Isn't that always the case in life?!?! For awhile, we debated on whether or not to wait and allow pea to decide when he is older if he wants to search. After much thought, we decided that finding them was not just about pea, but also about us. We wanted to make that connection for our own personal reasons as well.

There are still questions we will never have the answers to, there are limits to our relationship with pea's birth family, and we don't know how this relationship will evolve, but it is a huge weight lifted knowing we have found them, that we have pictures and more information than before and knowing that this will help to fill in the gaps to pea's story.

Coming next...Part 2, Meeting carrot's birth mother


  1. Such a wonderful gift!! I need to convince Joe to do this. However, I don't think that we will be able to find her. But, Victor sounds like the guy to have!! We do have some contact with the foster mom. So glad for Eli!! It will be so important as time goes on!! Especially with carrot having that connection.

    Can't wait for part 2!!!!

  2. I think the looks thing is HUGE! I know with Theo, he will always know who he looks like. He will never wonder. And we all makes comments about who we look like and what traits we got from whom. It's a shockingly common conversation. Good for you!